"Capt. Ian's Tales from the Dark"

”Well skin my scarp and call me a Fae but sugar I’m telling you this is what happened on that bright and joyous day” exclaimed a Straad with long blonde hair.

It started as a mild midsummer day that was full of intrigue and heat. As if the sun had extended her long, luscious, warm arms to wrap around my waist and pulled me close by the way of my hips. Baskin’ within her beauty, I found my mind wondering with thoughts of my Lord and Master, Davey Jones…what a wonderful enigma he would turn out to be. As I lay my naked body on the deck just outside my room to bask I heard the most beautiful, yet frightening voice my ears have ever had the unsatisfactorily disillusionment of hearing.

…Could it be?...

As my hand starts to wander up from my side, across my properly groomed thighs and further up...up so far as to finally be able to grasp and clutch my pearls. I GASP as I rise straight up, still clutching the pearls around my neck. I bow my head and my body raises to its knees. ”Lord...I’m as grateful as a whore in a brothel on payday.” I couldn’t breathe, my heart was pounding, my hands had become weak and numb... Sugar, I was as frigid as a winter wolf and crazy as a blighted bat...

The voice called to me again... ”Ian...I have come for you.”

Oh, happy day...happy day pumpkin...this was it...time to make my way to the locker.

I jumped to my feet and turned with so much excitement that my hair twirled around my face and my eyes were the size of copper coins... I stretched out my arms, bearing my entire exposed body to my Lord and Master, Davey Jones... Sugar my body was as hot as two ratlings fucking in a wool sock, for this was my time... The voice said again… ”CAPTAIN!” but this time with more intensity and sparks... As I close my eyes and throw my head back to accept and relish in the servitude of my Lord I feel my body wrapped in warmth, as if Davey Jones himself had wrapped me in his jacket... as I hug the clothing tight, breathing deep, smiling from ear to ear I feel it…

Right across my face... a slap... I was shook... I was shocked... Well Sugar, I was plain stunned. As my eyes open, I hear that same voice ”Captain, you’re overheating. I think you have sun poisoning.” The voice sounded a little different, a little more concerned and higher pitched than before. I was as lost as a fart in a hurricane; what could possibly be happening? ”Take this, it’s an antidote.”

The strange concoction moseyed down my throat, and as my eyes became clear, standing before me was my mate, one of my closet and truest friends. ”Rosa, Pumpkin, I thought you were Davey Jones.” I said as we both shared a good ole laugh... Sugar, good friends and antidotes are what gets me through this world. Bye bye for now dumplings!